從來無人要求過自己，我又為乜要要求自己呢？一直以來，我o既人生好似就係為其他人而活咁。我有幾時為自己著想過呢？

o個一刻去諗，如果阿甘o係 Jenny 蕩落之前一直咁陪住佢、幫忙佢、勸佢咁，佢自己反而得唔到自己應有o既一生，阿甘佢係應該去闖天下，去盡情發揮佢自己o既才能。誰知最後係未殊途同歸？

我其實一早就好應該要自己顧自己，幫自己定一o的路線…呢排有好大o既衝擊同感受，去驅使自己盡快咁行多幾步。對上o個次有呢種諗法係幾時？唔…無錯就係中五被”西”走o個一年。

中尉打仗時炸斷o左對腳殘廢o左，呢o的係一世無得改變o既事實。好似我會考受重創 and 之前 whatever all the things in a mess 咁，都係一o的改變唔到o既過去，成世會跟住我。中尉好頹廢，本來佢預定既一生係戰死而成戰爭英雄，點知俾阿甘救o左，做o左美國既一個傷殘人士，俾政府養。埋怨真係會改變唔到事實！應該要掌握機會，同埋一定要履行自己應承過o既 promise ，要做自己應該要做o既o野，從而改變一生！“Leung” o的講句：天生我材必有用。 And also, use what the God have given you.

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我應承o左 lovely waiting 我要回復自己o既信心，呢個唔通就係我改變一生既轉淚點？諗起秀o翁o個日同我講o個個小朋友，我會話：無自信心o既人，過去應該係經歷過一o的長時期對自我肯定產生懷疑o既過去架。要解救，可能要俾一段更長時期既肯定佢先得。

我愈o黎愈想去英國讀書，俾自己三年時間，因為要儲一定既經驗同埋錢先得。

「去英國要好多錢le, somehow 我覺得係dream…」

唔，係喇，呢個目標對我o黎講都係一個 dream o黎，對其他人o黎講，出國讀書可能係一個避難所，無咩特別，但係對我o黎講，要做到呢樣o野就一o的都唔容易…好多 physical o既 constraints …

最後 Jenny 為阿甘做過個總結，阿甘打越戰睇過星空、蝦艇在海飄盪望過日落、跑步三年幾見到沙漠o既邊緣…每一刻都好靚…目標係自己 set o既，人地話戇居o既決定自己覺得值得就應該去做，誰估到 Jenny 最後一刻會話好可惜陪唔到阿甘一齊經歷…身邊o既所有人同自己係完全個別o既個體o黎，各有命運，有o的決定真係要自己同自己去 made ，自己最後得到既野，開頭其他人會覺得好白痴，到最後其他人認同同埋自己回望過去都會不枉此生…

蠢又點？轉過好多個圈又點？捉住自己想做o既o野，就去做，一樣會有出路。

p.s. 呢一刻我識咁諗，但係好快我又堅持唔到自己所諗o既o野，我唔可以再咁容易受人影響！

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I''m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won''t lose no sleep on that,
''Cause I''ve got a plan.

You''re beautiful. You''re beautiful,
You''re beautiful, it''s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don''t know what to do,
cos ill never be with you

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don''t think that I''ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You''re beautiful. You''re beautiful.
you''re beautiful, it''s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don''t know what to do,
cos ill never be with you

la la la la, la la la la, la la la la laaaaaa

You''re beautiful. You''re beautiful.
You''re beautiful, it''s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it''s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

唔知幾時開始，
唔想講野俾人知。
亦都唔想知人地發生乜事。
講大事又理唔黎，講小事又無人理。
Anyway, take it easy, man~!

我係未真係唔識自己 made decision 呢？
一直以為自己係，
好多人都同我講係。
但係原來有個人講話我唔係時，
【話同我一齊做野時唔覺我話唔到事。】
呢一下原來就變左係支持，
而唔係倒台。

個個人一直話我呢樣唔得、o個樣唔得。
我自己就搵個最掂既人做比較
慢慢都發覺自己好唔得。

我覺得自己受唔到漫罵式既對待，
屋企已經成廿年霾漫著呢種生活方式，
學校、公司、伴侶間都變成咁，
話我咁樣唔夠堅強，咁無錯，我真係唔夠堅強喇，
我放棄做個堅強既人算喇，
對自己會舒服好多。

諗諗下原來發覺，
自己係好有心去做既，
就真係樣樣野乜都得。
我有心上莊，我覺得自己做得好。
我有心整網站時，我都覺得自己做得好。
我覺得 geog 同埋 philosophy 好好玩，
好有趣，一個 acct major 呢兩科就係我三年以黎最高分既科目。
只係到後來，無人再提過，
無人再認同我做過既野。
一切到後來，都只係歷史黎嗎？

搵工？讀書？買衫？行街買野？傾計？參加比賽？
我係未真係有熱誠去做呢？
如果真係有熱誠，無理由樣樣都做得唔好。

我個理想係邊度？為乜野要去做野？
我諗出黎個理想係真係為諗理想而黎既理想，
定係我自己真係想去做既？
又迷失過。

脫變期中，好易蕩失路。